In a family, a mother or father's siblings' wives are called "yenge" (sister-in-law) and husbands "enişte" (brother-in-law). In other words, the wife of an uncle is "yenge" and the husband of an aunt is "enişte". The children of these people are "kuzen" to each other.
And someone's siblings' child is that person's "yeğen" (niece – nephew). Can be direct with my brother, but we don't talk often. He is very straightforward about his opinions. He is raising his kids on his own and doesn't have time to help out with mom and pop. I thought I had a great relationship with my sister. Over the phone there was a lot of verbal support on both ends.
My parents had to be moved from their home and I live in the same state, and generally more involved with their needs. Initially, both lived with me for 7 months. They wanted their own place so they were moved a few minutes away from me. This move was done with the help of my sister. Mom and pop both have had serious health scares recently.
They have lived in their home two and a half years. Consequently, I have been the one to help them with everything. It makes me feel great and I want no regrets. I do my best not to impose myself on them and asks them what they would like help with,etc.
Over the phone my siblings have stated that they appreciate all I do. Over the last few months I felt as there was a lack of sincerity from my sister. Primarily, she had gone through a divorce and numerous other things. I never once ever was or have been resentful.
However, after both my parents have had health issues and my sister coming down, I feel let down. It is clear that she had her own motives and resentments toward both my parents and myself. I asked if she did and never did receive a reply.
However, her treatment and total lack of respect toward me with attacking texts have dumbfounded me. Now I realize she had issues she needed to resolve on how to help with my parents and what her role is. But, in the process she has lost a good friend and person to lean on. But, to protect myself I am avoiding conversing with her unless it specifically is related to my parents health issues and their needs. I feel like I have been emotionally steam rolled over. Mind you, she doesn't live here, wants to take over decisions without including our parents opinions or mine.
I wouldn't take this treatment from anyone. I have been the go to for holidays, etc. When my grandmother died in a home, my mother turned to me and asked me to promise her that I wouldn't let anyone put her in a home. She wanted to stay at home, that was in 1995. I told her I would, so in 1998, she wrote up a paper with her husband as a premarital agreement. The paper was signed and witnessed by a lawyer.
Can I clean and gather my mother's things up? I couldn't believe he was talking about the house, which is paid for, no mortgage, and I just let him talk. The next day, I couldn't get out of bed, I just cried and cried, but my sister and brother banged on the door, they had to get clothes to bury my mother in.. I could barely function, and they are out like it's a grand event they are getting ready for. It's a good time to be homeless is what was said, as it's getting warmer out.
What recourse do I have, and I don't know if that premarital agreement will do me any good, my sisters and brother may not remember that it even exists. My mother made me lock it up after it was all signed. You have to give yourself permission to assert boundaries in a respectful way. You do not have to engage with someone who is not listening. If you are in a position where you are setting yourself up for a fall financially, do not undervalue your time. Assert your need for a long term goal of security and reassurance so that you will be lowering your stress level and minimizing resentment.
No adult living with parents and taking care of them is any less valuable an asset to the parents and your family because they had a bad go at it in the professional world. Take an opportunity to embrace the sibling who has struggled and is now helping. It is not a free ride to live with aging parents who are experiencing mental problems or physical limitations to a degree that requires assistance. That daily grind takes resolve, heart and a strong desire to help.
That is not the kind of person deserving of judgements. The kind of dynamic you could allow to grow out of a dismissal of prior conflicts and competitiveness would surely improve the quality of life for all involved. Also recognize if you are caregiving and your older/younger/farther siblings arent around but have dismissive attitudes toward your contribution, they often dont get a fraction of the reality. They want to be positive..talk about other subjects, and will downplay their own needs.
They dont have to have a bulletin board with their embarrassing bodily issues and the work you do surrounding that is what keeps the healthy environment alive. Take a meditation on zoom or do yoga or tai chi or play music from their time. Find a way to connect with a counselor or locate an area agency on aging and read When I am an old lady i shall wear purple". A nephew is the son of someone's brother or sister. A niece is the daughter of the person's brother or sister. To the nephew or niece, the person is their uncle or aunt.
The relationship of aunt/uncle to niece/nephew is an example of second-degree relatives, meaning that their coefficient of relationship is 25%. In some cultures and families, it is common to call the child of one's cousin a "niece" or "nephew". In old English, the son of one's sister was called a sister-son.
In English, there are distinct titles for relatives, such as aunt and uncle for either of your parent's sisters and brothers respectively. Cousin is used for the children of your aunts and uncles such as they relate to you. Your cousins' children will be your second cousins. A great aunt and great uncle will be from your grandparents' era and adding step-family members to the mix can further complicate things.
The names used by step-families, however, are unlikely to change, and if a distinction is necessary the word "step" is added as a prefix to the relevant word (for example, step-cousin). Children of the same two parents are siblings, brothers and sisters. (If they have only one parent in common the relationship needs the modifier "half"; see below). Other relatives who are descended from a common ancestor are generally called cousins. This section explains more specific terms for various degrees of the cousin relationship. Both live in Florida and are retired, so one eventually took her for 2 months then the other did.
I cared for my mom mostly 10 months a year except for the last 3 which was 8 months straight. This year mom went down to Florida on Jan 1, and was supposed to return home May 6th. However due to the pandemic the airline cancelled her flight, I live in NY which is the hotbed of the country.
Well a few days later I got another email saying he and my sister would be driving up to NY with mom in an RV in the next two weeks. I do feel safer that she not be on a plane, but am so hurt by the way they are rushing to get "rid" of her. I know it is not easy, but to put her well being at such a risk and making up poor excuses to defend their decisions instead of just being honest is more than I can take. Going to be a long time before we speak again, Mom can't travel anymore so no more Florida and the care rests souly on my shoulders for the rest of her life. Yes, I appreciate anything my siblings do and did to help. I'm sure they felt at times that I thought what they did was not enough.
I did understand they didn't live as close as I did, but yes, most times what my siblings did was not enough. It was nowhere equal to what myself and my family did, or what we sacrificed, but it didn't go un-noticed or under-appreciated by me. I'm not trying to be mean or ungrateful, it is simply the reality.
It was all done on their schedules, but life and emergencies don't happen on someone else's schedule. I do resent the loss of money my husband and I gave up using our sick and vacation days, and especially mourn the loss of time with my children. I simply don't understand all the advice to just accept your role and not have expectations of others to help.
What Do I Call My Son S Daughter Neither my parents nor the rest of us could pay for help. I made my parents apply for what little help we could get for them. I get that you can't force others to help. I am still dealing with siblings over the estate that expect me to deal with things for our parents' home.
My attempts at nicely and firmly letting my siblings know what I will and will not do are met with attitude and downright threats to not do anything with the estate. I chose not to be executor when my parents asked me to, because I simply could not handle doing anything more. I just want my part, and absolutely deserve it, though all I did over the past 20+ years was because I cared. The estate won't be a lot, but it will help. I live in a rural area, and have to occasionally work with hospital social workers, medical providers, etc.
I also felt pressure not to be seen as an uncaring daughter saying no to helping my own parents, even when it was causing me high stress, having to work more to keep caught up, etc. Neither of my siblings had to contend with that. I have dealt with so many life and death situations with my parents on top of other issues. I watched them both die slowly of cancer. One sibling didn't come to either memorial.
I'm the second youngest of 4 and although I'm only 19 and my parents are still pretty young, I feel like I'm the "one". My dad works hard every single day and has some health problems. My mom also has arthritis and she's been struggling as she can't even walk to a park.
I always try to lower their stress and be there for them as much as possible, but what I just don't understand is what the hell is wrong with my siblings? I've always been very empathetic and sometimes it's too much. I always want to do everything for my parents and take care of them, run little errands and whatever else they need. They're honestly the best mom & dad they have spoiled each and every one of us, but somehow my siblings still don't see that. They take everything for granted and don't bother helping in the house or anything. It's mostly just my mom that takes care of that but I clean often.
I always have a break down cuz I wish my siblings would care!! It hurts me so bad that they don't feel loved and cared from all their children. When ever I called my other siblings for help they drove from different states to help me with mother through this or that surgery. They held her hand and did the lions share of her care.
At the present time, some of them are mad that the sibling who lives farthest away is now getting a chance to have her stay with them for a few years. She will be facing another extensive surgery and he is happy to see her through it. They are mad because she is now several states away and they cannot visit her as easily. Sad to leave her home and friends, happy to reconnect with her son, who had the least amount of one on one time with her growing up.
I try to placate the sisters that did not get picked, they are hurt. So, this is a story of siblings fighting to have a mother that is wheelchair bound on a walker facing another surgery. I Just wanted the world to know that prayer goes a long way to making a tough situation better. My mother's prayer's have been answered.
After ten years of taking care of her, I do feel guilty sending her to another sibling when the care has gotten really tough. On the other hand with many sibling who are fighting for her presence, why can't I fell good about sending her to one who stays home and has the time, desire, need, and money. Anyway, I thought writing about this would make me feel better and display a different scenario.
One where mothers siblings, and her children all want her to come live with them. She is a wonderful loving kind person and has little money, but the love….. Now, due to his feeling of not be useful in things he could do when he was younger, it has been a challenge.
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